by Sharon Brooke Uy, LMFT, ATR-BC
Windows Facilitator & Workshop Author
Los Angeles, California
When I was younger, and forced to believe things I somehow knew weren’t true, those things I was forced to believe would have me think of shadow work as something evil, as though I were dancing with the devil or engaging in witchcraft. Of course, now I know such things are quite the opposite of evil—they’re simply routes to our highest self. It’s all inner work. And all inner work is, truly, shadow work.
Our shadow is more than just our “bad” parts, it’s the part of ourselves that wants to be loved just as we are, without the need for perfection.
If the shadow is everything about us that we are scared others will see, that we’re scared to see ourselves, then shadow work is, in part, working with that which you are afraid of within yourself. Shadow work is turning to look at what you fear or are ashamed of. Chances are, you’ve worked or maybe even danced or played with your shadow.
If you’ve ever made art – real art – not to say “technically correct” or conventionally (or unconventionally) pleasing to the eye, per se, but honest, unfiltered creation from your soul; if you’ve ever looked into the mirror, didn’t like what you saw, but refused to turn away despite everything else inside of you telling you to; if you’ve ever journaled or written the way you would if you were certain your words would forever remain unseen to anyone else; if you’ve ever allowed yourself to sit for a little bit of time with a difficult emotion or feeling instead of pulling away or avoiding it; if you’ve ever been in therapy or worked with a healer or the healer within to shift patterns inside of yourself or ask questions to learn about all the parts that make up who you are, you’ve done shadow work.
Our shadow is more than just our “bad” parts, it’s the part of ourselves that wants to be loved just as we are, without the need for perfection. It’s a thing that we hide–and we all have something we’ve hidden–but when all of our energy goes into the hiding of the thing, we don’t have energy left to live and to be. This is why shadow work is important. It is in joining with the shadow that we merge dark with light. This shadow work helps to piece together the wanted and unwanted parts of ourselves so that, instead of being a conduit for a war within, we can thrive as a wholly integrated being, free to live genuine to our purpose as we please.
A client recently spoke of how she’d been journaling differently. She had been accustomed to solely writing down affirmations, calling to herself a future and perfect version of who she hopes she will become. For one reason or another, she began instead to try writing about the real today instead of an idealized tomorrow. She includes the happy things, the sad things, the real things, whatever comes up. She calls to herself this moment and everything in it. She reflected with awe that this made her feel so much better, more energized. She didn’t need to give her idealized self more attention. She needed to give more attention to the more real, raw parts. Not the light, but the shadow. Because focusing only on the light doesn’t make the shadow disappear.
It may seem overwhelming or scary. Well, I’ve got good news, and I’ve got better news.
The good news: Our shadows live only in darkened rooms within us.
The better news: We need only to open the doors to let light in.
Shadow work itself doesn’t need to be tough or difficult. It can be easy, or at least easier than we might think. And if there is a cost to working with your shadow, it’s that things will change, and change is rarely comfortable. When we let go of what’s comfortable but limiting (focusing solely on the light) and walk towards the fullness of our truth, it changes the world within us and the world around us. This can feel like loss, but it’s okay to release what’s no longer serving you.
Perhaps the most beautiful and concise expression of shadow work is expressed through my favorite Hindu prayer:
Asato maa sad gamaya
Tamaso maa jyotir gamaya
Mrityor maa amritam gamaya
From ignorance, lead me to truth.
From darkness, lead me to light.
From death, lead me to immortality.
There are countless ways to work (or play) with your shadow, download this worksheet for a few ideas to get you started (you can adapt them as you wish). Make sure to set some dedicated time for whichever you choose, and bring yourself to a calm, grounded state.
by Sharon Brooke Uy, LMFT, ATR-BC
Windows Facilitator & Workshop Author
Los Angeles, California
Download the accompanying Shadow Self Collage worksheet created by the author!
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