by Nikki Crow
Windows Facilitator
Los Angeles, California

Between 1869 and the 1960s, across the United States and Canada, indigenous children were torn from their families and forced into residential schools. These schools have long been known as abusive, forcing levels of acculturation that decimated family, culture, and tradition. Finally in 1978, the Indian Child Welfare Act gave Native American parents the legal right to refuse their children’s placement in these kinds of schools. Although this violent history has long been known to me, this dark reality was brought front and center in my soul on May 25, 2021 as 215 unmarked graves of indigenous children were found at one of Canada’s largest residential schools, confirming the abuse and genocide rampant in these institutions. This discovery was in some ways proof of what we as Native people have known to have happened at those schools and to these precious children, and it rocked me to my core.

Tears poured out of me for days, which was very out of character. Of course I’ve known about the genocide amongst my people. I am here because my great-great-grandmother was one of only four Arapahos that escaped and survived the Sand Creek massacre. Even knowing that, this hit me profoundly.

When I finally expressed how I was feeling to my mom, she replied “well, do you know why?” It was then that I learned that my grandmother was a survivor of the first boarding school here in the US, Carlisle Indian School. She never spoke about it. So much pain living inside of my own family, tied to the generations of trauma we have witnessed and experienced, without a voice.

Unsure what to do with this grief, I turned to a safe space, A Window Between Worlds, and began the process of transforming my trauma through art. I started with creating art to heal myself. I created the “orange piece” to honor my grandmother. This particular artwork intricately combines her Carlisle Boarding School record and my own handprint all against a background of orange which symbolizes the Every Child Matters movement. The words, “The children they took and tried to silence are the very ones that have awakened the world,” are scrolled in the contours of my handprint. I created this piece with two intentions. One, the attempted genocide did not reach it’s intended impact, as evidenced by my continued existence. And two, to amplify the silenced voice of my grandmother, a voice suppressed by these very schools.

Author Nikki Crow with her Fix Your Side of the Feather artwork

This personal journey of healing eventually evolved into an art workshop I now share with others entitled, Fix Your Side of the Feather. This art activity is specifically focused to support current allies and potential new allies. Boarding school survivors, families, and descendants – we are already working on our side of the feather. As we work to heal these ancestral wounds, we need you to fight by our side, engaging your side of the feather. Together, we can create new solutions that can truly bring our lost children home.

With Fix Your Side of the Feather, my goal is to dispel mistruths, and by doing that, heal the seven generations. As I say that, it sounds too big to even comprehend. But that’s why I want to be a part of this healing process. And I invite you to be a part of it too, because it’s not just us, it’s your seven generations as well. We are all connected, and together we can move forward to a more peaceful, honest future.

If you feel that maybe this is not your place, because maybe you don’t know enough, or you’re not indigenous, I really understand that and appreciate how challenging this is. We all start somewhere. Perhaps then, seeking knowledge could be your feather: learn, seek, and then share truth.

Fix Your Side of the Feather offers a space to express:

• • Truth: What truths are you hearing, learning, discovering, thinking, and/or talking of?
  • Reconciliation: What acts of reconciliation are you hearing about, dreaming, and/or talking?
  • Your Feather: In your feather, name one way you will take action toward truth and reconciliation. You can use words, shapes, colors, and/or symbols to represent the action you’ll take.
  • Everyday’s Work: This is daily work. How will you anchor your journey forward to support you with taking action?

My goal is for 215 people to create feathers that will become a mosaic to honor the 215 children found at the residential school in Canada. These children not only awakened me to feel the truth of my own history, but have opened the eyes of the world as well. I believe that when someone speaks out or shares their experience through art they are creating a space for others whose voices have been silenced. Through art I am able to express what my grandmother intuitively knew was unsafe to say. In this way I am able to offer healing gifts to my ancestors by giving voice to what they could not speak, and in doing so transform our shared historical trauma.

The number of children whose bodies were found at boarding and residential schools is now over 10,000. September 30th has been declared Orange Shirt Day annually, in recognition of the harm the residential school system did to children’s sense of self-esteem and well being, and as an affirmation of our commitment to ensure that every child matters. I welcome you to walk with me in this project and “fix your side of the feather” on September 30th and every day.

It is a day to honor and uphold Survivors and intergenerational Survivors of the Indian residential school system, and to commemorate those who didn’t return home. The date was chosen because it is the time of year in which children were taken from their homes to residential schools, and because it is an opportunity to set the stage for anti-racism and anti-bullying policies for the coming school year. The day opens the door to global conversation on all aspects of Indian boarding and residential schools. It is an opportunity to create meaningful discussion about the effects of residential schools and the legacy they have left behind. It is a day for survivors to be reaffirmed that they matter, and so do those that have been affected. Every Child Matters, even if they are currently an adult, from now on. It is also a day that recognizes our commitment to reconciliation, anti-racism, and anti-bullying in general.

Learning and talking about the boarding/residential schools and their impact on native people is one way to help repair relationships between indigenous and non-indigenous people. Participating in my Fix Your Side of the Feather (Indigenous Fix Your Side of the Feather art activity, Non-Indigenous Fix Your Side of the Feather art activity) art workshop and in Orange Shirt Day can help spark a learning journey.

You are not alone. I am here to walk with you, side by side, as indigenous and non-indigenous human beings, and share this journey towards truth and reconciliation.

by Nikki Crow
Windows Facilitator
Los Angeles, California

How can you use a strength within yourself to deepen your connection with others?

Explore our Windows of Connection series

Want to bring healing art programming to your community?

Attend a Training

A Window Between Worlds (AWBW) supports hundreds of direct service organizations across the country to incorporate creative expression into their work with trauma survivors. With this blog we uplift the voices of our art workshop facilitators and participants. We invite you to take in this perspective, notice what resonates and explore how it may fit into your life.