My soles carry the spirit that brings forth my intensity.  It reminds me that I knew how to love since long ago, with every stride, with every twirl and within the shuffles.  I dance with soul and that is with love.

Time was then, dark and dirty.  Traveling within to discover the light to carry forth.

The trauma I experienced watching my mother be repeatedly hit encased me in fear day and night.  The sandpaper and tacks represent the constant tension, pain and vigilance.  The abuse I experienced again and again left little room for positive growth and development.  Instead, with a monstrous life, I constantly braced myself for the worst.

The outside was an orchestrated facade of normalcy, an illusion of happiness.  It hid deep unspeakable horrors, leaving me timid and powerless, coping through the anticipated torment that was expected to occur at any moment.  There was no safe place.

I was very set on using the character shoes not just because they are dance shoes and I had spent the majority of my life dancing, but also because of the difficult situations I have had to navigate and the painful effort I have had to make to balance the guarding of my children from some painful truths and getting some justice and dignity for myself.

I had become exceedingly frustrated with the ongoing situation with my ex, his name-calling of the children, the belated filing of a police report related to an assault, the AMA closing an investigation into his dissecting of cadaver arms in our garage without informing me of their findings, and, of course, my ex’s continued belligerence. One day, instead of just spinning around the house in my shoes, I decided to walk. These would be my protest shoes. I felt that I had suffered so much and gone to so many people and agencies, yet still everything remained the same. It was not only a cathartic act for me personally, but as the project was for domestic violence awareness I felt that the best way to achieve this was to bring the project out into the public.

I first wore them to my son’s basketball game, and then to his baseball game. The next day I put them on to go the grocery store. After that I wore my shoes on local errands: the cleaners, my son’s elementary school and Target. I wore them the day I had to have surgery for a torn rotator cuff, and gave them to a nurse in a plastic bag before my procedure. I wanted people at the hospital to see me with my shoes, because my former abuser had taken morphine and other drugs from a hospital and injected me at home with an overdose after I had knee surgery in 2000, prior to a sexual assault that night. Abuse comes in many forms, and there is not a stereotypical abuser in terms of race, creed, or socioeconomic status.

One day I wore my shoes to the beach and took them off to walk through the sand. I had the notion that by taking my shoes off and holding them at my side people would be able see me and the pain and frustration I felt surrounding my specific situation and the problem at large. That they would come to understand that the violence could be happening around them, in their own community. In those moments I thought that my action could make something, somehow, change.

I kept wearing the shoes. The most satisfying part of it all was when I wore them in front of my ex at our son’s baseball games. It was extremely empowering to take all the negativity, anger and pain, and by my own hand turn it into jangly decor with which I could stomp by him in, unafraid.

When people noticed the shoes they sometimes commented or asked questions. Sometimes complementing, other times opening up a discussion. I liked the positive feedback. I believe everyone understood the import of the shoes and of my wearing them, and the comments felt supportive. Since I stopped wearing the shoes I’ve wondered what it would be like if we all took a day to walk together.

I’m starting fresh, carrying all my experiences with me like a pebble or a seed stuck in the bottom of my shoe that have blossomed into a beautiful reminder of all I’m leaving behind and everything I’m walking towards to now.

This shoe represents a big moment of my childhood.  I was 5 years old.  This is the first shoe my mother gave me.  It was Christmas time when for the first time I met my mother.  I was confused, scared, excited and happy.

Number 15 means the age I was when my parents married me to my ex-husband.  The white color is part of innocence.  The word “killed” means when my husband started abusing me the same day after my wedding.  The happy side is where me and my children are. The three hearts and the flowers are me.

If you had walked in my shoes you would understand the left part of my shoe. Words can’t  describe what feelings the words represent.  I want everyone to know a survivor will never forget. We will relive continuously the consequence of the low weapons he used all because of his incompetence. Today I say I walked away with the same sole that endured his wounds as I walked then. Today I proclaim freedom for myself.  I can enjoy life with my son. I can smile, I can relax, I can heal this body to enjoy the joy of living by God!  Goodbye abuser I’m walking away.

A marriage that was supposed to be based on love, understanding, and trust, but instead it was all lies and filled with pain, until I couldn’t take any more. I needed to breathe again, so I went from there, my turn at bat!

This project reveals a lot about what I endured during the eight years I was married to an abusive, raging alcoholic.  In the beginning, I thought our lives and our marriage were going to be happy and fun and full of excitement just as we were when we were dating.  After the honeymoon was over, everything changed.  I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to believe it.  I thought that eventually everything would work out.  I thought that I could make things better.  I started living in denial.  I did not want to face the facts that I had married a monster who terrorized me, threatened me, and ridiculed everything about me from the color of my eyes to the size of my feet and everything in between. I married a product of domestic violence who was continuing the cycle.  He abused me verbally, physically and sexually. And still I did not want to face it.

The busyness, craziness, and 3-D quality of this piece of art is meant to represent the busyness, craziness, and depth of my life during that marriage.  It is not easy for someone who has not experienced domestic violence to understand it. I hope I represented the crazy making qualities of abuse by making this piece multi-layered.  You have to look at it from every angle to see everything, much like the reality that I had to eventually face.

The “DENIAL” shoe represents this phase of my marriage:  The happy beginning, the confusion as the abuse started to rear it’s ugly head and the ways I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t bad and that it could get better.  I covered for him, made excuses for him, started to believe the things he told me.  And with the cycle of abuse came the lies and the pleading.  His words could win me over time and time again. He would convince me that he would change, that things would be better again if only…there was a new excuse every time. And the result were always the same.  The cycle would begin again and again and again. The purple represents domestic violence.  The white represents innocence lost.  The hearts represent the love I thought we shared.  The gold cross represents God who I thought had deserted me. The first poem goes along with the “Denial” shoe:

“Your Words”
Your words are beautiful.
Your words can melt my heart.
Your words speak of love and tenderness and respect.
But your words can be ugly.
Your words cut like a knife.
Your words shred me to pieces.
Your words are evil.
Then once again your words change colors.
Your words turn on me just as you do.
Your words are not to be trusted.
Your words are just words.
And you are just you.

The footsteps walking away from the “DENIAL“ shoe represent me walking away from him and the marriage into reality. It took a long time between the time I faced reality.  It took a long time between the time I faced reality and the time I actually physically left him. During that time, I had emotionally and spiritually left him and the marriage.  I felt empty and soulless like the black female figure under the “REALITY” shoe.  She has no head with which to think for herself. She has no legs with which to run away. She has no arms or hands with which to call for help.  She is just there, a body with nothing else. She is me as I was in that marriage, just a body living there in that house with him, working long hours to avoid him, lying there to please him, and trying desperately not to upset him so that I would not feel any of the pain he would so easily inflict on that body.

After I faced the reality of the abuse and realized that he would never change, I got help. I finally reached out for help and got the support I needed to take the risk to stand up to him, to protect myself and my two year old daughter, and to leave him for good. That is when I started my life over. I was not abandoned by God.  My life was not destined to be unhappy and miserable because I made some poor choices in the beginning.  I got a second chance to make my life be what I wanted it to be-peaceful and free.

The “REALITY” shoe is painted black to represent the anger and rage he aimed at me. The red represents the blood shed emotionally or physically by me when he hurt me.  Some of the images on this shoe are me crying intensely like a baby, yelling for help, and looking stressed out. And some of the images are him daring me to fight him, screaming at me, and attacking me like a bear would do to his prey.  The “REALITY” shoe is crushing the woman as he crushed my soul. The red cross is like a  tombstone because she feels dead inside.

This second poem goes along with the “Reality” shoe:

“Let me Go!”
I don’t hate you
I’m just glad to be free from you
I’m not mad at you
I feel sorry for you
I’m not holding a grudge
I have forgiven you
I don’t want you to die
I just want you to leave me alone
I don’t curse you
I hope things work out for you
I’m not scared of you
anymore
I was
but not anymore
I just want you to let me go
Please let me go
Let me go!

I was so young, smart, secure, beautiful and believed that I was in love.  After graduation I was having his child and floating…Until I fell hard I became mentally and emotionally abused and once he saw that my self-esteem was so low, the physical began. My smile that I was so famous for was no longer seen. My eyes, once so bright, were blurred from tears and were hidden as my head hung low with shame, and so much pain. My body ached with pain and when I looked in the mirror I was so afraid! Who was the person? I was so lost, so numb. Until the day my son was born-the anger in his eyes, the hate in his voice as he kicked me and beat me for giving my love to another male-his child, our son! Something clicked inside-this is not normal. I have to show my daughter this is not love and protect my son from becoming a monster. Leaving was as hard as staying I was homeless, broken, lost, alone and with two little kids-but day by day I went on and fought for my kids and found a way to throw away my old shoes and step into brand new ones!

Wow. Where do I begin in this walk?  My walk began very dark. It was a start of what I thought was new.  Things were decent when we started dating. Then little by little drugs became a huge part of “us”.  When I didn’t want to do them, I got pregnant and we were excited-drugs stopped and we became the perfect couple. Six and a half months went by. It was the day of my ultrasound he knew about it-we had talked about it for weeks.  He couldn’t get out of work so I just went by myself which is when I found out we were having twins. It was a boy and a girl. I was ecstatic I had the technician give me a picture and she wrote “Hi daddy” twice. I went shopping for a frame that said Dad, I went home and had it on the chair waiting for him and made his favorite dinner and everything. He pulled into our driveway I ran outside gave him a big hug and kiss and brought him in and gave him the frame. He had an angry look, I was scared. Instantly he threw the frame on the floor and began yelling at me, ”why would you go without me, you should have changed the appointment.” I said “but we are having twins.” The last thing I remember he beat me so bad I had to bury two babies before they were even born. It was tough. I was in the hospital for a while.  This project was difficult because It reopened a memory I don’t enjoy thinking about. I know my shoe isn’t the best. It’s plain and dull because I couldn’t just remember.  It’s dark at the beginning to do my own thing and that’s how I love it I will never allow anyone to tell me what to do or say. I Will Be Me!!!

Leave all the baggage behind. Stop carrying it all and pack light as a feather to heal.  Hold your head high like a giraffe and be the star you really are!

The title represents what’s in the shoe which is what I want in my life.

“Luchar Meintras Haya Vida”  El titulo para mi es el presente que lo que hoy en el zapapta ese y quiero que haya

Love: Divine word that has been the force of my life. The engine that has given me courage to love my children and myself.

My shoe represents my life and my world. My children are a big part of my life.

I painted it blue because the ocean and universe are some things that I have much respect for.  The moon and the stars, because every night and early mornings I do not miss and opportunity to see them they seem like the most loving couple.  I have a unicorn to the left; it is a mythological character that I am very passionate about.  To the right I have a dolphin, which is a marine animal that I love very much. As you can see all these characters are completely free.  My shoe has an angel because definitely I’ve had an angel to help my life not be any worse than what it has been. The angel has a snake rattle that has been with me for a long time and save me from the solitude that I once lived.
One day I lost it and I suffered for a long time.  I have three initials for my children’s names and flowers because through whatever life brings I am in love with love. I have 3 hearts because they symbolize love and even though we have gone through so much, our hearts continue to “beat” and that means we continue to go on as long as our hearts beat, we have hundreds of opportunities.  The royal blue is my favorite because I am a QUEEN.

For all that I have lived through, good and bad.  I thank God for everything because thanks to him I am the person that I am.

Mi Vida en Mi Zapato
Tengo pintado de azul, porque el mar y el universo son los cosas que yo respto muchismo. Esta la luna y las estrellas, porque todas las noches y madrugadas no pierdo oportunidad de ver, ya que se me hace a mi las pareja mas enaorada del mundo. Tengo un unicornio del lado izuierdo ya que es un personje de la mitologia el cual me a apasiona mucho, del lado derecho es un delfin es otro animal marino el cual quiero muchismo Como veran todos estos personajes son completamente libres: Mi zapato  tiene un Angel porque definitivamente en mi vida siemmpre he tenido un angel para ayudarme a que mi vida no fuera peor a la que ha sido, e angel tiene un cascabal el cual me acompano por un largo tiempo, el estaba conmigo y me salvo de la soledad que tube por tanto tiempo y la cual un dia perdi y sobri por much tiempo. Tengo tres letras es la inicial de mis hijos y yo, flores porque apesar de lo que la vida medepare siempre voy a estar enamorada del amor, tengo tres coraznes porque para mi es el simbolo del amor y aunque mis  hijos y yo hemos pasado por tantas cosas. Nuestro corazon sique “latiendo” y eso el seguir adlante minetras nuestro corazon este palpitando, tenemos miles de oprtunidades, el azul turquza de mi zapato es mi prefirido, yo lo conozo por azul rey, y yo soy una reyna. Por todo lo vivido bueno y malo, le doy gracias a dios de todo porque gracias a el soy la persona que soy.

Liberty, Love, Survive, Hope, Courage, Strength, and Patience.

Mi zapato lleva consigo mi precente, mi pasado fue un impulso para un cambio en mi vida gracias.

Mi Zapato Y Yo!  Facil no es almidos el pasado, pero en si el recurdo allluda a fortaleser el impulso para deguer triumfando y convencence que el fracaso, no existe en mi vida, yo le llamo experiencias de las cuales, yo he usado, para salir adelante y saca lo mejor de ellas y se mejor se humano, y de mis errores aprender lo mejor.  Mi zapato y yo, me espejo, mi feflejo de mi yo interno. Si la vida no es facil, pero yo lo mejor de mi alluda al proximo y ser un buen ejemplo para mis hijos.  Gracias a loa vida, gracias a Foothills Family Service, gracias a dios por todo lo que melayado con mucho corino y respeto atte.

Keep on steppin until you mend the pieces and put your heart back together.

The Road of abuse is very scary and sad but there is a light at the end of happiness.

The Rollers represent that I have the freedom to dress my self and feel better about myself.  The jewels represent the ring that was given to me that brings such joy.  The boot represents that I have the freedom to go where I may need or want to go.

Los tubos (rizos o rollers) que tengo libertad para arreglarme y sentirme mejo de mi persona.  Las joyas significa el anillo que me regalaron y por el cual estoy muy contenta.  La bota o zapato significa que tengo libertad para paserme y ir a donde yo necesite o quiera.

This is my shoe. It has a lot going on but I look to the future with hope and with love. The hope of a new beginning with me and my children.

I have life, my yellow shoe. I have light in my house.
Today my girls are everything to me. We are survivors.

My art is about my whole life and domestic violence since my childhood.

Mi arte es sobre toda mi vida y la violencia domestica de mis niñes.

Mi zapapto es de color obscuro, significa la soledad interna que hay en mi alma y que solo hay 4 personas muy importantes en mi vida y son mis hijos y por ellos estoy aqui, solo por ellos.

My shoe is dark. It signifies the internal loneliness that is in my soul and that there are 4 very important people in my life and they are my children, it’s because of them that I am here, only because of them.

Peace, love and to bury the person in the past and to have a better life for my daughter and me.

Paz, amor enterrando a la persona pasado y tengo una mejor vida para mi hija y para mi.

Before I was dead in life. Thank God that now I am very happy. The color of my shoe, that is Me! Now, like a star nothing and no one will make me feel bad.

Antes estaba muerta en vida. Gracias a dios ahora yo soy muy feliz. El color que tiene mi zapato asi soy yo. Ahora yo como una estrella lista nada ni nadie mas me hara sentir mal.

All the black represents the barriers and problems I once had. Despite everything I have always had the soul of a little girl inside me with brilliant like colors like my childhood.

Todo lo negro representa las barreras y problemas que he tenido. Apesar de todo siempre e tenido adentro mi alma de nina, color briillante como mi nines.

The black and blue shoe makes me feel like I’m in the sky with the stars.
The black and red shoe reminds me of Fabiola. She is always happy.

I feel like this shoe takes me to the moon.

This shoe is very pretty for my school graduation. I will shine like a star.

A boot states for me a shoe that walks through a lot of bullshit! The top of the boot is my always and forever love for him. Believing in him and the crazy wires means always chaos, broken hearts always pain! At one time I recovered in “NA” and became a superstar in my families eyes and had unconditional love from my family. Then as the boot gets lower I was no longer an angel, I wanted to party and be on the streets and be called a nickname. The pink and striped wires that hug the boot are my three children who love me and are with me no matter what. Everyone wants to see a speedy recovery with me but I feel like I need time to heal after our breakup. Robert is the new man in my life that has showed me and allowed me to feel emotion. The tip of the boot is blank because I don’t know what my future is. I only stay in today. That’s all I can handle.

Always have faith. Never give up and be strong.

Disentangled from a net-a vortex of veiled vitriol. Emotional blisters-raw reminders, ever linger, layered deep. Heavy with hope – I swim toward life.

I remember taking a walk with someone in the rain forest.

These shoes are my favorites. The glitter reminds me of fireworks. The eyes on my shoes let me see where I’m going.

When I saw this shoe it reminded me of when I used to go dancing with my green sequin dress.

Life living through domestic violence and surviving long road ahead.

Walking in my shoes has been a constant bumpy road of destruction leading only to death, had I not seeked the help I needed.

There was, is, and will be, my life story.

Mothers & Daughters. Mothers of daughters are daughters of mothers and have remained so in circles joined to circles since time began. They are bound together by a shared destiny.

All around the shoe it shows the firer that I have walked through, but no matter what I am still whole inside.

You never know when life will change. After almost 20 years of standing by for better or worse my life changed. I still wonder where it will lead. There are many kinds of abuse and I have endured quite a few. Some of which I found out after not realizing how much of me I gave up. The mental abuse, manipulative, controlling seclusion of family and friends. Physical abuse at least that is acknowledgeable right way. Controlling my life, my decisions, my jobs, when I’d get friends and have things. Going great BOOM!…barefoot and pregnant the kids get old enough for me to return to work BOOM!…again barefoot and pregnant. Each time another to follow with in the year so they will have someone to play with. I have to say they are the light of my life-26 year old male (my son from a previous relationship), 17 year old male, 16 year old male, 9 year old female, 8 year old male. Emotional abuse and the scars they leave. Some buried so deep you wish you could forget or thought you had until something sparks the memory which brings me to: Sexual abuse growing up fast with my own innocence and right to choose taken away. I guess I thought it was the way life was. Breaking the chain I wasn’t going to let my children fall into this category. I know what to look out for right away. Never did I think to watch out for her daddy the man I had shared half of my life with, told all my secrets and dreams to. And at such a young age (3 years old) my prayer …”That she never remember” and…”Thank you god for sending me back home not five minutes after driving away to work. But the image I saw will stay with me forever…trust doesn’t exist…my spirit is broken. so here I am in the repair shop. One more prayer – “THANK GOD FOR WINGS”.

I have walked through a lot of obstacles in my life. That’s why I describe my life as the one of a butterfly. Just how the butterfly goes through different stages to turn into one is really similar to my life. Just how the caterpillar takes a journey through the ground and is a worm with no bright characteristics. That’s how I feel my life has been like. I have been down in the ground, asking for my rights as a woman, respect and love. It had seemed to me that no one cared but now I have learned that in order for others to care about me I have to care for myself first. My abuser put me through a lot of pain, humiliation, isolation and every type of abuse you could think of. I lived in fear every day and night and ended up in the emergency room with a head concussion and bruises. I had a gun pointed to my head by the man I married, the man I loved, the father of my child, my supposed friend, my supposed companion. That was enough because that caterpillar was turning into a butterfly. And here I am starting a new life with my son, free flying with my open wings. It hasn’t been easy to start all over but it’s sure worth my son’s life and mine. We both have a long journey, but best of all is that I broke that chain of violence and now I am standing for my rights as a woman, mother and human being. In my own shoes I used actual pictures of my bruises due to the abuse, and a picture of a person on the MRI – I was put through at an emergency room.

It’s risky breathing, let alone needing, trusting, and reaching out. Life is the leap of faith and the bold declaration of hope. I’m a year survivor of Breast Cancer.

The rainbow is for the love I have for women. The bottom left is my life of hurt and pain. The top right is for my happiness now. The middle is a little bit about my life!

Everyday time went by longer. I was in obscurity with an empty heart filled with pain and desperation. To come out darkness is like escaping a pit. I feel like a butterfly because I see everything in color and I breathe clean and know the distinct horizons. Everyday I continue to grow as a person and feel wholeheartedly important.

Title: La Oscuridad
El tiempo era cada dia mas largo. Solo hera un oscuridad con un corazon vacio lleno de dolor y desesperacion. Salir de la oscuridad es algo como salir de un hoyo. Una mariposa me siento porque veo todo con color y respirar limpio y conocer distintos horizontes. Cada paso me hacia creser como persona y sentirme suma mente importante.

felt trapped and very low and I wanted to die. But I want to be free and feel happy like a butterfly amongst the flowers in the countryside. I no longer want to be a victim of domestic violence.

Title: El Atrapado
Yo me sentia atrapada y de precion muy baja y deceaba la muerte pero yo quiero ser libre y ser feliz como las mariposas en el campo y entre las flores porque ya no quiero sufrir violencia domestica.

To me, it represents the hope that Wings offers us by helping us. in my case it took almost four years to find. I chose a barefoot, because until I left, everything hurt me such a everything hurts a barefoot.

Title: Una Luz De Esperanza
Para mi representa la esperanza que nos brinda wngs al darnos la ayuda que en mi caso tarde casi 4 anos en encontrar. Yo escogi un pie descalso porque hasta que me separe todo me lastimaba al igaul que todo lastima a un pie descalso.

My art signifies that life can end in an instant. And so, we must value everyday that God gives us.

Valorando La Vida
Mi arte significa que la vida puede acobar en instantes por eso hay que valorar cada dia que dios nos permite vivir.

The solitude after being abused without hope of being free from insults, yelling, punches, abuse, but that day came when I made the decision to be free with the help of Wings.

Title: Mariposa En Oruga Y Despues Naciendo
La soledad despues de ser abusada, sin tener esperanza para ser libre de insultos, gritos, golpes, maltratos, pero ese dia llego cuando tome la descion de ser libre con la ayuda de Wings. Gracias.

We all have many gifts that we’ve never opened. It’s time to open some of yours. Find your wings!

Domestic Violence, a sad life, it is as if the world comes down on you and it feels like the life of animals. Now that I am in the program I feel hopeful and happy. Thank you God.

Esperanza
Violencia domestica una vida muy triste sinte uno que el mundo seviene en sima siente uno como vida de animales y ahora que estoy en es te programa me sineto muy bien una esperansa y alegna gracias diosmio.

Peace, inner freedom, serenity, liberated spirit. Now I have control over myself. The dress shoe represents the elegance that all women posses. All suffering has an end.

Title:Libertad Para El Alma
Paz, libertad interna, lealtad propia, autoestima, serenidad, libertod de espirito. Ahora yo tengo el control de mi misma. La zapatilla significa elegancia que toda mujer posee todo sufrimiento tiene su fin.

It started like a nightmare and now it’s a happy awakening. My shoe began with violence and ends with a happy life.

Primero empezo como una pezadilla y ahora es un despertar feliz. Porque mi zapato empezo como violencia pero termina como vivir bien feliz.

A new start is difficult but you can do it by living one day at a time.

Title:Un Nuevo Empezar
Un nuevo empezar es dificil pero se puede viviendo un dia alavez.

In the Beginning it was all happiness, love, and laughter. Then came the baby, then the drinking, and then the abuse. I needed better in my life. I knew I was worth more and I set myself free.

During my childhood it wasn’t easy for me and how my mom was to me. Until now I have been through a lot of physical, verbal, and molestation, since I was 7 years old by my mom’s younger brother. When I was 12 years old my mom’s boyfriend. When I was 14 my father. I feel so hopeless, depressed. I was born with meningitis, seizures.

This foot will pursue what is right and hope the other one will follow.

God, grow, journey, one day at a time, pray, hope, and learn. All my words in my journey footprints have a meaning! God, because he is in my heart and my life. I pray and along my journey I learn to take one day at a time.

Life is not always what it seems to those on the outside looking in. What seems to be beautiful and calm on the outside, is often filled with chaos and turmoil within.

The world has many obstacles but we have to walk into a better life. We need to fill our life the right way.

Purity and love turned into tarnish and disaster.

“Truth”: My story to this foot is this: water makes me relax and the water is something true and pure. The water to me is like starting over. “I love the water, it’s a place where I can be myself and just have fun”. When I am in the water it’s like all my worries are washed away. They just stay there in the water floating everywhere but towards me.

“Relax”: The sky is my life. Sometimes I lay down and think of the clouds. I can solve all of my problems there. It’s a place where I can think things thru. After a while it’s a place where I go to have fun and be myself no matter what is happening. The clouds for me are a place of relaxation. The clouds are my second home.

“Travel”: When I think of travel, I think of Venice, Aspen, Florida, Finland, Iceland, France, England and the countryside. I like to see different sites. It makes the world a better place to live in. I like to see the different areas the world has to offer. I love to see a place where I can sit and just enjoy the scenery and what it has to offer me in return.

Well, this is my story of my foot. I hope you like it.

I use them to walk. They take me everywhere. They have toes. I love my mom. 24 is my favorite number. When I smile I look cute. I am smart. I like my family, they are special. My feet are smiley.

I want Santa Claus to come. I want a lot of presents. My feet are taking me to learn how to read. The candle is because, sometimes I need light to help my way.

The half foot represents where I’ve been: beaten up in a Las Vegas hotel. Although the police didn’t believe my story and arrested me, I have survived. Despite the anger and injustice I feel, I continue to travel, ever so mindful that the greatest hot spots are right outside my doorstep.

The journey of domestic violence has had an effect on my sole. Look into my eye and see the effect it has had on my soul.

The task you have undertaken is one of the most difficult experiences of your life. In order to free yourself from the bondage of an abusive and destructive relationship. Take the first step and with no regrets don’t look back just forward!

My past is represented by the negative words on the heel. Below are the words “Expose the Truth”. I chose to explore my past by putting those words near “Expose the Truth” because they do just that. On the other side of “Expose the Truth” are my positive words for my present. The biggest word for me in my present is “survivor” because it shows I have been put through a lot and will be put through a lot, but am going to continue to get through it and not get knocked down. My dreams are more positive words that are at the toes of my foot so that I may be reminded of what I want for my future.

Take action, Be free, Find your voice

With fear, humility, confusion, loss, confusion. Please help!
Con Miedo, Humillada, Cofundida, Perdida, Confundida. Por favor ayuda!

Hope signifies a better life for me and my children.
Esperanza significa una vida mejor para mi y mis hijos.

The shoe is split to represent the 2 worlds I was in: addiction and recovery. The wine glass with the eyes is that I saw the world through a bottle. The mirror with the eyes. I can look at me again. I don’t want to explain a lot. I want you to get your own ideas about this. Thank you.

My life so real, if it wasn’t so big, I could wear it. I have no left foot, so therefore that’s my life. I have snoopy sawing it to try to help me, but still so big.

My journey footprint traces my step from victim to survivor, to my aspiration to thrive.

I distinctly remember walking down the aisle as a bride, feeling like it was a huge mistake. My abusive relationship was so constrictive it was like living a slow death. The control and abuse was killing my spirit. It made me feel like giving up. It still hurts to think what might have happened if I had stayed.

Lost: Through my journey of abuse I felt alone and incomplete. This is my shoe: isolated, lonely, and empty. Just like a pair of shoes or feet, neither is complete without the other side.

Despair: The cyclone of violence was pitch black creating a vortex that engulfed my heart and soul. I felt powerless, not accepted, worthless, and not human (just property). The bloody footprints lead the path of tragic sorrow as I attempted to reach out and break free from the cycle of violence.

I put perfume in my collage because he only let me wear one kind and now I can wear whatever kind I want.

I want to be a self-assured, strong woman. I want my children to have opportunities and be free of domestic violence.

This is where I am at on my Life Journey right now: taking a leap of faith out of my old life and soaring into a whole, new, magical world!

I step into tomorrow, away from sadness sinking deep within my skin, away from the self I once knew shocked and shaking, suffering. I step into strength and new hope found… and here I find myself, walking into transformation.

I told the truth. I was bleeding. I was bruised. In the end, I was treated like an insane liar. To this day, police in Santa Monica continue to blame the victim. My hope is that those who are hired to “protect and serve” become trained to do so. Look for the eyes in this piece. They signify truth. During my ordeal, nobody believed me. I wished for a video camera or something/someone to see the injustice and insanity. The pink shoe is what I was wearing when I was arrested. The black shoe was my favorite, but was in the trash because my batterer told me to throw it away. Both are significant as parts of my walk through domestic violence.

I never thought of myself as being a victim of domestic violence. I was a kid, what did I know. I thought it was normal. But normal isn’t locking an 8 year old out of their home because you can’t handle your life. Or beating them with a belt because your frustration got the best of you and you need to get back at someone. My world changed when my beautiful, loving dad passed. My mother’s world changed too. And then we embraced. And our worlds became one. And it was beautiful.

This tennis shoe represents my freedom. I am no longer in a jail. The glitter that surrounds it is the happiness that my daughter and I feel.

Every time I spoke – (a Shout) – “Silence”
Every time I asked – (a Scream) – “Silence”
Every time I questioned – (a Slap) – “Silence”

Keep me quiet NO MORE, for now is my time to Speak.
I will shout as loud as I can
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

Ignorance is what brought me here
Fear is what tied me down
Shame made me fake
Empty Love chained me to pain
Fear Kept me from leaving
Longing kept me from walking through the dark purple road.

On bended knee I fall each night, and shout
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

Prayer open a new path and showed me the light
Faith broke my chains
Hope gave me a new life and freed me from pain
God gave me a voice to shout
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

Now I will speak and I will teach
that what is Taboo; it is okay to hear and speak
I will give word of the purple road and of my fear of ever crossing my soul.
Yet, all my life I have walked through the dark purple road.

I was blinded and mute as a child,
My guides ignorant and blind.
I learned to listen on my own,
but never to walk alone
I hear my inner voice shouting
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

I open my eyes and say a light,
the face and smile of a baby boy that screamed
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

Alexander the Great conquered my voice,
now I am the slave of
SILENCE NO MORE!!!

Hope is my light, which brightens my path
Faith is my strong hold, which steadies my walk
God is my Guide, which gives me sight to a new life

Prayer – MY NEW VOICE that SHOUTS

I WILL BE SILENCED NO MORE!!!

It feels as if I am foraging out of this deep, dark black hole of a life and into the Great Unknown on a rocket. From there I enter a new frontier where the possibilities to re-create my life abound like shooting stars.

Faster faster down the street. Skate Missy skate, use those feet. Wind in my hair and the sun on my face. Race Missy race so you can escape. Hold back your tears and remember there is faith. Go Missy go, to a safer place.

I step into tomorrow… past pain and saddened eyes, past this self of mine shaking, numb,disappearing, so scared. A child tiptoeing on uncertainty. I move past these memories of fear, wanting to step beyond this saddened skin into a new me. And so I walk… into growth and new beginnings. My feet finding warmth with each step, and strength, so much strength. I breathe hope and healing with each breath and watch the world bloom with this new beginning that is me, healing here at heart.

A path of confusion infects my being only to bring about balance through all meaning…

This shoe was made in honor of my mother, who is a survivor of domestic violence. It symbolizes the path she walked to get where she is today. Moving herself and her children across the country to flee the abusive marriage with less then $20.00 in her pocket. Raising them alone and coming full-circle as an advocate working in social services today!

Dare to dream and do not be afraid. My body no longer bleeds. The sun and the ocean have healed all my wounds. My body has nourished itself back to life.

This is my shoe. I used the color orange to represent fire. Glass to represent the fragile foundation at the relationship. Stones which are black to represent the weight I carry everyday. Finally a blue flower butterfly, and angel for hope and freedom.

It shows the dream of the white picket fence, a nice house filled with a lot of care and a happy family. The glass on the outside of this home shows the real truth of what is going on behind closed doors. The house foundation is built on glass and red tape (anger). The flip flops are representing lies, everything isn’t perfect. They are breaking out of the house finally.

The heart means love. Blue and purple is the good part of life. But the black is the dark side of life. The flower also represents a good part. The green gem is for my birthday May 14, 1996.

I’ve always wondered, what if I had never been hit, yelled at, called names, humiliated, shamed, molested, and many other things? What kind of person would I have turned out to be other than who I am today?