by Stacia Kato
AWBW Board Member and Facilitator
President of PFLAG San Gabriel Valley Asian Pacific Islander chapter
Los Angeles, California
When I was first trained as an AWBW Facilitator, I was coping with my teen’s suicidality and coming out as transgender female. For those who don’t know the terminology, this means that my child was assigned male at birth and courageously shared their truth with me that they are indeed female.
I now consider her coming out to me as a blessing, because it afforded me the opportunity to know and love her even more.
Since then, my heart has swelled for the LGBTQ+ community, particularly at the intersection with Asian Pacific Islanders (API); our chosen family.
Before she came out, I’d never known a transgender person, much less a gay person, in my community. What I know now is that LGBTQ+ folks were always around me. I was the one who failed to communicate myself as a “safe” person for them to come out to. Through the gentle guidance of Asian PFLAG parents who walked the path ahead of me, I learned how important it was for me to accept and affirm my daughter, to resist the shame, fear, and guilt that felt like natural cultural reactions to such news. With their help, I learned to lean into love, and opened my heart to this human experience that I may not fully understand, but can defend against marginalization. My daughter is worthy of love, compassion, and dignity as is every human being.
Stacia Kato
After becoming a trained community Facilitator, I used Windows workshops to initiate change and transformation in our community. I started with the Inside/Outside workshop; using origami to help parents and allies grow empathy towards their LGBTQ+ loved ones. This workshop helped the parents and allies see that what is presented on the outside is not always in alignment with what is on the inside of us. This resonated with an Asian audience because of the expectation to “save face” and to not bring shame to the family name.
I used the Lotus Flower workshop to offer a safe window of time to remind us that, despite the challenges of our upbringing and muddy political environment, like a lotus flower, we shine beautifully in the full sunlight. So many of us were brought up with shame, guilt, and familial obligation – imagine this on top of coming out as LGBTQ+ – it was hard to acknowledge our own strengths and attributes. But the lotus flower, a symbol of rebirth and growth, is a reminder that we can and will thrive too.
Today, my beloved community is under attack. “Hate against Asian American Pacific Islander communities rose during the pandemic.” (https://stopaapihate.org/) “More than one in four trans people has faced a bias-driven assault, and rates are higher for trans women and trans people of color.” (https://transequality.org/issues/anti-violence) How can there be so much hate towards my chosen family? How might I help change hearts and minds; transforming hate to love?
Being a part of the inaugural AWBW cohort of Durational Art Innovators, I feel I have new tools. I’m learning to recognize that the transformational journey from HATE to LOVE that I want us to traverse IS the art. And there are layers of impact: love for oneself, love for one’s community, and leading with love over time to inform the next generation of leaders. Creating a durational art program to tackle all of this IS ambitious. And it sure feels like failure is not an option given our polarized climate today.
The beauty is, it doesn’t all have to be known now. We can anchor the journey in these truths: we cherish our LGBTQ+ loved ones, they are worthy of love, their presence in our lives is a blessing reminding us of the wonderful spectrums present in nature, and we need to coalesce in community to create meaningful change.
The journey starts with loving ourselves first. Creating a Touchstone reminder of what we love about ourselves is the seed I am hoping to germinate. Carrying that love forward into intention with the community is the growth. Then Connecting our creations with each other, sharing our stories, and culminating in an interactive mosaic… that is all yet to come. I’m looking forward to sharing more of this journey in a future blog post. Thank you for visiting!
by Stacia Kato
AWBW Board Member and Facilitator
President of PFLAG San Gabriel Valley Asian Pacific Islander chapter
Los Angeles, California
To hear Stacia’s story, click on the video below:
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A Window Between Worlds (AWBW) supports hundreds of direct service organizations across the country to incorporate creative expression into their work with trauma survivors. With this blog we uplift the voices of our art workshop facilitators and participants. We invite you to take in this perspective, notice what resonates and explore how it may fit into your life.